TECOW EM Cell Group 1


God the father by tigerlky
May 13, 2009, 12:15 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

since we were talking about parents and all last week… and unfortunately, i had a lot of time to think… this is what you get.

i have to make some things clear before i start, it kinda comes with being a writer (or wannabe writer, take your pick). i’ve been going to church ever since i could remember, and i always sort of took it for granted that He existed, and that christianity was true, you know, a normal mentality fora kid born into christianity. i’m not sure when the exact point was when i started questioning things and started being generally cynical (of course the two are highly related), but one memory stands out, and i’m not sure if it relates or not, but here it is:

one time, my brother, my father, and myself were sitting at the dinner table, probably when i was about twelve or thirteen. when i started eating, my father admonished me for not praying before the meal. i responded by asking him why he didn’t pray. he said, somewhat emphatically, “i’m not christian!” i remember being shocked – not like, drop-spoon-go-to-corner-and-cry shocked – but shocked nonetheless. and that may be the first time that my religious landscape started to change. or maybe not. like i said, i don’t quite remember.

that kinda got me thinking about the weight behind the meaing, “God the Father.” it’s one of those things where, it’s always in front of you, but you’re surprised when you realize it’s there. i wondered, why would God want to be known as a father? for a lot of my early childhood, i spent the bulk of it being afraid of the volatility of my father. he’s not like a raging alcoholic or anything, and he never was. let’s just say he was… traditional. but then, i realized, for me, God was just like my father. kinda like a space-God, ruling from millions of lightyears away. distant. and my prayers slowly drifting through saturn’s rings… … … i wonder if he’s received my prayers yet? my father always provided for me what i need and a lot of what i want. i can talk about food and shelter, but that’s really boring. but he did give me those things. him giving me the things i wanted is a lot more interesting. i loved sports ever since i was young. call it “being a boy,” but for me, it was far beyond that. hockey night in canada meant that i could stay up til 11, or even 12. sports commitments after school saved me from violin practice. more impoortantly, it was (is?) the one bond that my father and i shared. he enrolled me into tennis camp, although i only took it because they took us swimming at the end of every day. he hired me a private tennis tutor, which i enjoyed, but in the end, i didn’t show a lot of promise in the sport. but even as a kid, these gestures were more important than lego. the silent man who barely grunted at us, wore sunglasses in the house (they were his prescription, but still…), and busyed himself doing housework most of the time, became animate. we would engage in lively discussions about who was the better player? mats sundin or daniel alfredsson? he took me ice skating during winter break. he drove me to hockey games on saturdays and then to practice on mondays. i’m not gonna say something cheesy like, “sports was the key to the locket of my father’s heart,” but i will say this: i talked about sports, my father responded with more than a word.

there is a point to all this banter. space-God was just like my father. at least until… i discovered that sports wasn’t something me and space-God had in common. he provided me with life and everything that goes with it, the very mind to write this, but aside from the necessities, i felt i was mostly left to my own devices… no, this is a mistake. I still feel this way, to be quite honest. space-God. space-father. emotionally unavailable. space. for me, God does not have the fire-in-your-loins kind of closeness that many christians seem to have. the intimate God, i suppose. but initmacy is something i have come to be deathly afraid of. and there is no sports for me to disguise it with.

i’m not looking for advice, nor am i looking for someone to tell me that God does like sports. this is the God that i know. space-God. one of the many, many things that shape my views on christianity, and religion in general. maybe one day i’ll make sense of it all.

wl.

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5 Comments so far
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God likes sports!!! haha..sorry…i’m just being silly…i think i’m hungry.

will, will, will, ….i love when you share with us the thoughts that are running through your brain…esp. this thought because it explains a lot.. so thank you for sharing your story.

i’m not gonna give you any advice (because your post wasn’t really asking for it, and you straight up said you weren’t asking for it, and because i don’t think i have any to give anyway) but what i will say is that i hope you will be able to continue to seek Him and continue to share your story, whatever the story may be!!

Comment by jen1255

“i’m not gonna say something cheesy like, “sports was the key to the locket of my father’s heart,” but i will say this: i talked about sports, my father responded with more than a word.”

that’s touching…hey wait you try trick us by say you not going to say it but you say it…tricky guy you!!!

i like it will, space-father and your prayers floating around in space touching the rings of saturn. very nicely written.

i will try not to give you advice will but i will ask this (that last sentence had will in it 3 times…now 4). can you see God in you? or in me? or in the dude holding the tim hortons cup, holding the tim hortons door open asking for change? or in the smallest form of life that we know? OR can you see God in your father?

Or can you see you in God, US in him…so rather than Him being space father WAAYYY out there, can you see it as we are in God, or God is space itself and therefore we are a part of God who like space is infinite.

then he becomes something that is everywhere yet nowhere, nothing yet everything, HUGE yet small, visible in life yet invisible, present…always present, always present.

WILL you are always thinking and searching and questioning and looking, and one day i know you will find your answers.

daeshin

Comment by 1nv35t3df41th

lol… you guys take things really seriously… maybe i should’ve been more clear. i just meant i don’t want the generic type advice like “if you let God into your heart, he won’t be so far away anymore” or something like that.

daeshin, the whole point of the post was to explain how I see God at the moment so i guess the answer would be no.

Comment by tigerlky

nice…maybe if you let God into your heart…im just messin.

YES WEEZ A SERIOUS BUNCH!

daeshin

Comment by 1nv35t3df41th

hehehe “fire in your loins”.

i see where you’re coming from, will. i remember when i was a child, i would seriously wonder how this space-God could make the trees and such – where in the sky is his house, etc.? not saying that your thoughts are childish, but just explaining that i’ve wondered a lot as to why God was in the sky/space and not with me. but i’ve recently learned from one of joseph jdsn’s sermons that God is always calling & reaching out to us, but it’s our own ignorance that leads us far away from Him. so i’ve come to understand that perhaps my feelings towards God are fully up to my own willingness to reciprocate.

yeah, you can scoff at my comment because it’s pretty much your “generic” response, but i won’t apologize for it =D

Comment by jennynotjen




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