TECOW EM Cell Group 1


life hiatus, and 2 tickets to mexico please! by sangzee
February 13, 2009, 12:25 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

wow.. too many times have i landed on a thursday thinking, where did all the days go?

i gotta admit, i’ve been quite lost in the world these days; i havent got a clue in what i’m to do with my present issues, future, and other stuff… i wish to escape, but its not like i could put my life on hold and go off to somewhere like mexico or something.

i’ve been thinking a lot about what to do in life and what roads i should take. it wasnt too bad just thinking about it until other problems started trickling in. my envisioned future that seemed so great eventually became blurry and now, almost hard to see.Ā  i try to deal with smaller issues first to get it out of the way, but all that creates is newer ones making it harder to turn to its beginning.

i recently had a light fight with my mom regarding school and my behaviour these days. and as a typical 18 year old, or should i say a child, no one really wants to hear your parents’ scolding. so she’s yelling at me.. well first of all, our convo started with me just mentioning how i wont be able to go to korea (exchange program) if i do get into the concurrent education program, which then ended up with her criticizing me on how un- yul-shim-hee i was living life and how unloving i’ve become towards her. it’s not that she’s not important or not a priority, but i really wanted to get some things out of the way first, and i hoped that she understood my present situation, but i guess she saw things differently.

i probably do have attitude problems or some sort of anger-management issues, or i’m just a very ‘an eye for an eye’ person. i know han msn/The Bible says to not be like the pharisees and like only those who like you back and hate those who hate you, but boy-oh-boy when i see that grimace on my mom, my bad-attitude just comes popping out. it’s so hard for me to fake a smile infront of her or be the first to change the direction of the mood. i really hope and i pray to God to help me become the person i was back then and i hope you’d all pray for me as well. ( But um please dont put me on the spot for a prayer session, but to keep me in the back of your minds)

btw, i do love my mom with all my heart and all my soul its just that if she only knew how lost i was, i’m sure she’dĀ  understand everything too.

-sj

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5 Comments so far
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sangji – you are totally making me procrastinate! but thanks for the heartfelt post. i’m sure you know that i know EXACTLY how you feel.

during my time in university i’ve gone through a lot of life changing experiences; most of the time i was so confident in what i was doing, but slowly things became blurrier. looking back, i think i had become jaded by “the system” and the university institution. nevertheless, i did go through some existential crises that i’m still trying to work out to this day.

i’m not trying to make it sound like a magical weapon or anything, but really, working for God and His church has really given me a direction in life (maybe not professionally, but now i know what kind of person i want to be). being put into positions where i felt uncomfortable forced me to learn compassion, but i still do definitely fall short.

i think you and i are similar in our stubborn-ness. i can’t (or i won’t) back down from arguing with my mom, and i just don’t want to show my family the same compassion that i’m learning to give others (i am totally the black sheep of the family, but i kind of like that rebelliousness in me). but learning how to say sorry is a humbling experience, and a worthy lesson.

also, i think our moms are similar in that they too seem to hit a wall when trying to understand our situations. my sister tells me that she’s just concerned out of love, but i still can’t seem to understand why her love is manifested in yelling at me.

when you say you want to be like the person you were “back then”, i can relate a lot. the break from bethel to tecow really broke my spirit, and i thought that i would never be the christian that i was “back then”. but now i can see that God has made the person that i am NOW. so look forward to what God has set up for you as a person, a christian, a daughter and a sister.

this is a long response, sorry!

-jimin

ps. someone in my class mentioned that going to cancun was stupid. i think she’s racist. haha.

Comment by jennynotjen

sang ji we are here for you and many of us have been or are still experiencing similar things to what you are experiencing now. this doesn’t mean we have all the answers but we are sharing our ideas and our experiences with you in hopes that it will somehow help.

one thing that i realize, now that i can look back at things, was that our parents need love too. although they are showing their love in a “wierd” way, that is the only way they know how. i think that it is just as hard for you to understand your mom as it is almost impossible for her to understand you.

try to let her know that you love her and that although you do not appreciate the way she shows her love, try to show you appreciate her concern.

im sure you are stressed enough and you do not need her to add to your stress, try not to get mad. maybe give her a hug and tell her thank you for encouraging you…(eventhough this may not be how you feel)…i dont know if it will work for you but tell me, maybe i’ll try it too…

THE LAST THING…

as for your future i think you are on the right track with dealing with things as they come along even if they keep piling up. even when it comes to the point where it may all seem to clouded and impossible to move past or see past, you will find with patience and with faith it will all be in the past and new challenges will present themselves…

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own…” matthew 6:34

WOW that was long…daeshin

ps: i think jimin’s “CLASSMATE” is racist too! (YES EDITING PRIVILEGES)

Comment by 1nv35t3df41th

i think we should call our cell group the Procrastinating Cell…Jks.

Comment by 1nv35t3df41th

she is NOT my friend. gawsh. never.

Comment by jennynotjen

sangji..you’re smart, you’re fit, you’re funny, you’re sweet, you’re easy to pick on (hehe), you’re talented, you’re pretty, you’re…..etc (haha). you’re all these things and i’m so grateful for you and who you are! although you reminisce about the ‘old you’, i hope you don’t regret the ‘new you’ you are becoming! i’m excited for you because it means that God is molding and shaping you and His presence in your life is actually being realized even though it’s a tough process to go through. He is faithful no matter how close or far away we are from Him, no matter how many roles we take on or don’t take on at church, no matter how many times we fight with our parents or embrace them…etc (again..too many things to list)..but i think the imporant thing is is that we remember to acknowledge Him, remember that He is faithful to us, and know that it’s ok to fall (even if we fall a million times). The important thing is if we get back up (and with our belief in God it’s inevitable that we will get back up)..then you go into the ‘when’–it could take us days, months, or even years to get back up but it’s about having the hope in getting back up and believing that we will eventually get back up because of Him. God loves you no matter what because His love is unconditional and immeasurable. i know you can do it sangji…He believes in you and so do i (could that have been any cheesier??) šŸ™‚

p.s. i know what it feels like to want your mom to understand you and comfort you in certain moments, but even when they don’t and you get upset/disappointed, just know that the next moment they will be right there for you with open arms for no other reason but because they love you (even though they totally forget or don’t mention the fight you guys previously had.. hehe).

p.p.s. thanks for the post!!! šŸ™‚

Comment by jen1255




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